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Elizabeth's avatar

My youngest brother has some neurological disabilities as a result of a bad reaction to a vaccine when he was a baby. (He went through a lot of tests; that is what our mom was eventually told.) It's definitely been true in his case that professing pro-life Christians haven't been interested in finding ways to include him. Church activities that his non-disabled siblings could participate in simply weren't options for him, and it's been hard for our mom to know how to raise him. He's much more sheltered than any of us were, partly out of necessity. He just can't function on the same social and emotional level as other people, although he isn't intellectually disabled. The inability to easily label him has just made it more difficult. He's close to graduating from high school now--a minor miracle on its own--but trying to help him find work has been a real challenge, since his neurological issues include both physical and socioemotional aspects. He has no friends. Not really sure how he's going to navigate adult life. He's becoming more aware of how he differs from other people, but he seems to really want to get married, have kids, etc., and it's hard to imagine how that would ever be possible for him. We don't want to crush his dreams. We also don't want him to expect things out of life that aren't realistic and end up feeling even more crushed as a result.

Being his sister has made me much more aware of just how challenging it can be for a disabled person and their caregivers to navigate the world. His challenges could, of course, be much worse. But the fact that they don't easily fit under any existing label has made it difficult for other people to accept his differences and for him to get help when he needs it.

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Elizabeth Burtman's avatar

I’m not sure I have direct answers to this week’s questions, but I do have some tangential observations.

I’ve seen the conversation about accessibility for disabilities and other special needs go poorly. Often, those in power will say something like, “Well, if someone needed accommodations, they’d ask, and then we’d help.” But sometimes leaders don’t seem to appreciate that their reactive stance is already a barrier to accessibility.

But this is a convicting topic for me. I’d like to think of myself as an advocate for the marginalized, but my ideals have been challenged as that’s hit closer to home. Someone in my family has trouble hearing, and to be honest, I haven’t always been the most gracious about accommodating their needs when it actually requires something concrete of me (for example, remembering to speak louder than my normal register). You’d think that would be so simple, and it should be, but it’s really exposed a lot of my own selfishness. Anyway, this is embarrassing to share, but I’m learning that creating accessibility might actually require, uh, conscious personal effort on the part of those for whom the system already works. So I want to try to keep that in mind going forward.

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