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Mrs. Guardino's avatar

This is a bit of a weird example, but definitely honest. I refuse to wear uncomfortable undies and shoes, especially thongs and high heels/stilettos. They make me resentful. I don't understand why female sexiness requires me to be uncomfortable while male sexiness doesn't. I want to be beautiful, sexy, feminine, modest, and comfortable all at once. I don't compromise. Though I'll admit in my twenties, I thought I had to.

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Melanie Bettinelli's avatar

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be “sexy.” I have always hated the word and all it represents on a visceral level and always felt disconnected from other girls and then other women because I didn’t really understand wanting to be objectified like that. I don’t even really like it when my husband uses that word about me because the connotations have always made it an alien experience to me.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t want to be desired. But I’ve only ever wanted to be desired in the context of an intimate relationship. I’ve hated it when strangers hit on me or catcalled me. I was never really interested in a relationship that didn’t start with friendship and trust first before romance. And my few experiences of experimenting with dating that didn’t start with friendship instead of desire were all disasters.

I like to look put together, neat, tidy, even attractive. But not sexy. And I tend to prioritize comfort over fashion or style. Though I don’t want to look like a slob, I also don’t want my clothing to be a torture.

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