Leah, this is a sweet observation. When our girls were 4 and 6, neighbors moved in who had a boy and a girl who were 5 and 7. A few years into their friendship, they decided to choregraph a dance together. When it was ready, they knocked on every door in the cul-de-sac to ask people to come out and watch them dance in the driveway. To my shock, people were home and they came out. The vibe with the other adults was exactly as you describe. Everyone smiled, and the relationships warmed up a couple of degrees. I wish I had capitalized on that moment to make more opportunities for us all to casually get together. Keep up the good work, my friend. Love, Cynthia
Having a garden in the front yard has allowed for fun encounters with neighbors. While watering and picking produce I have met more neighbors and it is an easy icebreaker for those walking by.
This seems an appropriate place to note that Night to Unite (formerly known as National Night Out) is celebrated in many communities on the first Tuesday in August. This year it's Tuesday August 6th!
I've noticed this dynamic through its opposite while moving to a new, small town. It's been challenging to make friends and find places to connect with other adults, but there's a lot of community events geared towards helping people with kids connect at church, the library, running groups etc. I think it'd be easier to feel more plugged into the community in this way if I had a child who interacted with other children in a way that provided space for a natural interaction between the child's caregivers. Every time I've taken my 3 and 1 year old niece and nephew to the park, I've ended up chatting with another parent or caregiver. By the end, we know where each other lives, when they often come to the park, which preschool the kids will be at next year, upcoming community events for kids etc.
My wife and I had some friends in Seattle who'd get the city to close down their street once a month each summer — people'd come out, share food, drink, and play games with kids. (I think the neighbors cobbled some money together for some kid-friendly attractions.) I always found this charming, but I hadn't thought of it as a general thing that anyone could do. Thanks!
> How are your neighbors (wherever you live, house or apartment building) most likely to encounter you?
Working outdoors. Our vegetable garden and main play area is out front, facing the road, so that’s where we often wave to neighbors, the mail carrier, cyclists passing through, …
When we sit on our stoop, we bring out some 1' x 2' foam mats to make it more comfortable. I think they were marketed as kneeling pads for gardening. I originally bought them for labor/birth.
10000% yes it is easier to meet people when you have kids. For all the reasons you say, but also this: Nobody feels like they know how to parent, so talking to other people about parenting has huge benefits. Either you get helpful advice or you get "that's normal, your kid is normal, you are normal," which is also really helpful. (Or you get unhelpful advice but that's another thing.) I've been grateful for the opportunity to meet people outside my demographic group -- specifically, seniors/retirees (mostly women, but not all) who often hold my kids at daily Mass. Their grandkids are three states away and they're delighted to hold my littles and to watch them grow. It's a huge help to me, too, and I really value the relationships we've developed.
I definitely agree it's easier to meet people or start conversations if you have a kid with you. In many ways, I like that because I can be quiet and therefore could use the help starting a conversation :P. I also have mixed feelings about it because I don't want to get in the habit of relying on my kid as a crutch for making friends. And there's whole facets of one's character/personality/interests that don't relate to whether one's a parent, but when two parents are talking, they'll probably focus on stuff connected to parenting. I don't want to get worse at making friends with non-parents just because making friends with parents has now become easier and we all tend to gravitate towards what's easier. I want to both practice connecting with people (parents or otherwise) over things that aren't directly related to parenting, and practice sharing some of my interests that aren't related to parenting. But that takes more effort when cute babies are such a natural and enjoyable topic for small talk.
As a single person living in a community house, I've not had any children to contribute to this cause, but our neighborhood children have been on of the most significant means of getting to know my adult neighbors, especially as the kids come to visit our friendly golden-bernadoodle Little Bear, who helps show us to be safe people and makes our yard a point of interest (the chickens help a little too). Every once in awhile a parent will come knock to see if their kid is at our house instead of at home, which I consider a badge of honor. Looking forward to reclaiming the block from the cars this upcoming Tuesday!! (Our Haitian mom-of-the-block is the other dominant connector of homes, keeping tabs on any new arrivals onto the block from her little stoop-porch.)
We host an open invite community dinner every week.
We're in year eight of hosting and our small house is now filled with people once a week. We invite people we meet walking dogs, people with kids at the library or out for walks, new people we see at church, people who post on nextdoor that they just moved here and they're looking for friends. Someone new comes every week!
RSVP optional, bringing a dish admired but not required. It's mostly rice and beans and our walls are covered with stickers and there are kids toys shoved in the corners, but no one seems to mind!
Ooh, now I’m inspired to throw a street-closed block party on our rural road with the cluster of houses near ours. We are waving acquaintances with our near neighbors, but it’s definitely our kids who catalyze most of the more sustained interactions.
It’s hard to pierce the closedness of suburban houses in communities without front porches.
You ask:
How are your neighbors (wherever you live, house or apartment building) most likely to encounter you?
My thoughts:
Our house had an open porch, meaning that it was merely a slab on the ground with an overhang. DH thought it looked unfinished, and so he enclosed it. I think he didn't like the openness of it, the greater likelihood that neighbors will see us and be interested in chatting.
I think he really likes the idea of being out in the country than our small city with houses nearby each other.
Where are they likely to see us? When the weather is nice, I like to stand on the porch and read a book. I can wave to the neighbors as they walk by. Or if I see them in their yards. I can chat with the next-door neighbor if she's outside, If I'm driving around the neighborhood, I can wave to the neighbors who are walking.
But otherwise, connecting with neighbors is far easier through the social networks of church and volunteering.
Our neighborhood in Richmond was built before cars. Lots of porches and mixed residential commercial with cafes, wine bars, etc walkable. The yards are tiny or non-existent, which is annoying but also pushes us out into the neighborhood park almost daily. One of the nearby streets has block parties a few times a year with street closures. The kid chaos is awesome and definitely creates a natural community.
We recently moved into a cup de sac with lots of kids who play in the street. We don’t have kids, but we have a dog who LOVES kids and goes bananas when they are out front and he is not. Being out with the dog when the kids are out has been the best thing for meeting neighbors. I already know more of my neighbors than I have in any other neighborhood I’ve lived in.
Leah, this is a sweet observation. When our girls were 4 and 6, neighbors moved in who had a boy and a girl who were 5 and 7. A few years into their friendship, they decided to choregraph a dance together. When it was ready, they knocked on every door in the cul-de-sac to ask people to come out and watch them dance in the driveway. To my shock, people were home and they came out. The vibe with the other adults was exactly as you describe. Everyone smiled, and the relationships warmed up a couple of degrees. I wish I had capitalized on that moment to make more opportunities for us all to casually get together. Keep up the good work, my friend. Love, Cynthia
I love that! The social chutzpah of kids is a big gift.
Having a garden in the front yard has allowed for fun encounters with neighbors. While watering and picking produce I have met more neighbors and it is an easy icebreaker for those walking by.
This seems an appropriate place to note that Night to Unite (formerly known as National Night Out) is celebrated in many communities on the first Tuesday in August. This year it's Tuesday August 6th!
I've noticed this dynamic through its opposite while moving to a new, small town. It's been challenging to make friends and find places to connect with other adults, but there's a lot of community events geared towards helping people with kids connect at church, the library, running groups etc. I think it'd be easier to feel more plugged into the community in this way if I had a child who interacted with other children in a way that provided space for a natural interaction between the child's caregivers. Every time I've taken my 3 and 1 year old niece and nephew to the park, I've ended up chatting with another parent or caregiver. By the end, we know where each other lives, when they often come to the park, which preschool the kids will be at next year, upcoming community events for kids etc.
My wife and I had some friends in Seattle who'd get the city to close down their street once a month each summer — people'd come out, share food, drink, and play games with kids. (I think the neighbors cobbled some money together for some kid-friendly attractions.) I always found this charming, but I hadn't thought of it as a general thing that anyone could do. Thanks!
> How are your neighbors (wherever you live, house or apartment building) most likely to encounter you?
Working outdoors. Our vegetable garden and main play area is out front, facing the road, so that’s where we often wave to neighbors, the mail carrier, cyclists passing through, …
We just put in a front bench since we don’t have a porch and I’m excited for the fall
How does this look? We sit on our stoop a lot and it's very uncomfortable, so this idea really intrigues me
When we sit on our stoop, we bring out some 1' x 2' foam mats to make it more comfortable. I think they were marketed as kneeling pads for gardening. I originally bought them for labor/birth.
We got a swinging bench with outdoor cushions! This guy: https://www.wayfair.com/outdoor/pdp/red-barrel-studio-porch-swing-with-stand-outdoor-cover-w005059011.html
10000% yes it is easier to meet people when you have kids. For all the reasons you say, but also this: Nobody feels like they know how to parent, so talking to other people about parenting has huge benefits. Either you get helpful advice or you get "that's normal, your kid is normal, you are normal," which is also really helpful. (Or you get unhelpful advice but that's another thing.) I've been grateful for the opportunity to meet people outside my demographic group -- specifically, seniors/retirees (mostly women, but not all) who often hold my kids at daily Mass. Their grandkids are three states away and they're delighted to hold my littles and to watch them grow. It's a huge help to me, too, and I really value the relationships we've developed.
I definitely agree it's easier to meet people or start conversations if you have a kid with you. In many ways, I like that because I can be quiet and therefore could use the help starting a conversation :P. I also have mixed feelings about it because I don't want to get in the habit of relying on my kid as a crutch for making friends. And there's whole facets of one's character/personality/interests that don't relate to whether one's a parent, but when two parents are talking, they'll probably focus on stuff connected to parenting. I don't want to get worse at making friends with non-parents just because making friends with parents has now become easier and we all tend to gravitate towards what's easier. I want to both practice connecting with people (parents or otherwise) over things that aren't directly related to parenting, and practice sharing some of my interests that aren't related to parenting. But that takes more effort when cute babies are such a natural and enjoyable topic for small talk.
As a single person living in a community house, I've not had any children to contribute to this cause, but our neighborhood children have been on of the most significant means of getting to know my adult neighbors, especially as the kids come to visit our friendly golden-bernadoodle Little Bear, who helps show us to be safe people and makes our yard a point of interest (the chickens help a little too). Every once in awhile a parent will come knock to see if their kid is at our house instead of at home, which I consider a badge of honor. Looking forward to reclaiming the block from the cars this upcoming Tuesday!! (Our Haitian mom-of-the-block is the other dominant connector of homes, keeping tabs on any new arrivals onto the block from her little stoop-porch.)
We host an open invite community dinner every week.
We're in year eight of hosting and our small house is now filled with people once a week. We invite people we meet walking dogs, people with kids at the library or out for walks, new people we see at church, people who post on nextdoor that they just moved here and they're looking for friends. Someone new comes every week!
RSVP optional, bringing a dish admired but not required. It's mostly rice and beans and our walls are covered with stickers and there are kids toys shoved in the corners, but no one seems to mind!
Ooh, now I’m inspired to throw a street-closed block party on our rural road with the cluster of houses near ours. We are waving acquaintances with our near neighbors, but it’s definitely our kids who catalyze most of the more sustained interactions.
Please do and report back!
Your observation:
It’s hard to pierce the closedness of suburban houses in communities without front porches.
You ask:
How are your neighbors (wherever you live, house or apartment building) most likely to encounter you?
My thoughts:
Our house had an open porch, meaning that it was merely a slab on the ground with an overhang. DH thought it looked unfinished, and so he enclosed it. I think he didn't like the openness of it, the greater likelihood that neighbors will see us and be interested in chatting.
I think he really likes the idea of being out in the country than our small city with houses nearby each other.
Where are they likely to see us? When the weather is nice, I like to stand on the porch and read a book. I can wave to the neighbors as they walk by. Or if I see them in their yards. I can chat with the next-door neighbor if she's outside, If I'm driving around the neighborhood, I can wave to the neighbors who are walking.
But otherwise, connecting with neighbors is far easier through the social networks of church and volunteering.
Our neighborhood in Richmond was built before cars. Lots of porches and mixed residential commercial with cafes, wine bars, etc walkable. The yards are tiny or non-existent, which is annoying but also pushes us out into the neighborhood park almost daily. One of the nearby streets has block parties a few times a year with street closures. The kid chaos is awesome and definitely creates a natural community.
We recently moved into a cup de sac with lots of kids who play in the street. We don’t have kids, but we have a dog who LOVES kids and goes bananas when they are out front and he is not. Being out with the dog when the kids are out has been the best thing for meeting neighbors. I already know more of my neighbors than I have in any other neighborhood I’ve lived in.
*cul de sac