The paragraph about girls' "puberty as a new set of problems to be solved" so as not to "inconvenience us or anyone else" made me tear up with grief for my younger, adolescent self and for the ways I am still figuring out that my body is good, actually.
Loved the nod to Madeleine L'Engle--there's lots and lots of good stuff in her Crosswicks Journals about need, dependence, care, and how all of these are an essential part of being human.
So many of the ideas in the book are finding their way into my recent conversations. Looking forward to rereading when I've had a chance to let it all marinate for a while.
Congratulations, friend!! Boston Public Library OFFICIALLY invited me to come pick it up today... such rule followers. ;) Excited to dive in. Praying for all of your readers!
In a 2015 television ad for Campbell's soup, the sick boyfriend on the couch says, "You know, when I got sick, my mom used to make me chicken noodle soup." His girlfriend says, "Aww, okay." She walks away (you think to make him soup) and then she throws his phone to him and says, "You should call your mom." And she leaves the house.
This commercial kept coming to mind as I read The Dignity of Dependence.
"[M]any men and women live... believing in a narrow definition of "normal" life as autonomous life." There isn't room for care if every individual is expected to be fully independent at all times.
When do you make soup for others? Who makes soup for you?
Modern American society is a bed of Procrustes, where everyone is expected to fit into a fully independent (male) shape. Any part of life that hangs off the sides of this bed (cycles of fertility, childbearing, caring for aging or sick parents, etc) is seen as an *individual* problem to be cut off.
"It's impossible for a human being to meet an inhumane demand. But it's easy to feel like the problem is individual, a personal weakness, not an intrinsically impossible standard."
I started Leah Libresco Sargeant's The Dignity of Dependence after hosting a community dinner, when I was so tired that I told myself I would not pass Go or collect $200, but Go Directly to Bed, once the kids were asleep. Then I opened this book.... 145 pages later, I only paused reading because I could not keep my eyes open. I finished the book right away. This book was gripping! I was so interested!
I was astonished to read the statistics that in a car crash, a woman is 17 per cent more likely to die, and 73 per cent more likely to be injured than a man in the same crash. But the real shock was hearing that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration made no changes based on this data and blamed women for their own deaths because they were sitting "too close to the air bag." They're shorter on average!! What do you expect them to do?!
Instead of solving a *society* problem, like air bag settings, the industry is allowed to make women's shorter-on-average height an *individual* problem.
If height can be an individual problem, why not children? *You* "chose" to have children. (Nevermind that having children is the only way the human race continues!)
"Babies can't survive a culture that despises dependence. A baby who can't be easily accommodated is expected to be aborted. Women... cannot live a full, flourishing life when our basic biology is treated as a design flaw. We cannot pay an entry price in blood for an illusion of equality. A culture that idolizes autonomy can't value pregnancy."
I highly recommend reading The Dignity of Dependence, whatever your politics or current state in life. "We cannot treat the ordinary events of human life, like childbearing, education, and aging, as a surprise."
These topics are not women's issues, these are human issues. We all start as babies, we have times of dependence throughout our lives, and we grow old. We all need someone to make us soup.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful review! I can't believe that soup ad—it feel like the precursor to the AI friend ads up in the subways in NYC saying that an AI friend will never leave dishes in the sink. Ugh!
My husband and I reference the ad to each other all the time. When we saw it live on TV (it must have been at my in-laws at Christmas, we don't have a tv), we couldn't believe it. And, it's even worse than I remembered: in my memory, she throws him the microwaveable Soup to Go pack to make himself, but, no, she threw him his phone to call his mom!
Similarly, in the movie Mona Lisa Smile, a hypothetical scenario is posed about a dinner party where the hostess gets a call from her husband about four unexpected extra guests who will be attending her dinner, only 45 minutes before that dinner is supposed to begin. Asked for their response to this culinary and social crisis, one character responds, "File for divorce."
At least in that era, her response is a shock to her peers. Now it's almost expected! What happened to our expectations that we would care about other people?!
Congratulations on the book's release! I can't wait to read it. I popped it on the bookstore's (that I work at) website. Our clientele will definitely feel it relevant.
Pardon the rough language, but this little clip from comedian Michelle Wolf cut to the chase on dependence and the ridiculousness of some “equality” claims, as is the way with comedy: babies are sexist 🤣. Thoughts?
The paragraph about girls' "puberty as a new set of problems to be solved" so as not to "inconvenience us or anyone else" made me tear up with grief for my younger, adolescent self and for the ways I am still figuring out that my body is good, actually.
Loved the nod to Madeleine L'Engle--there's lots and lots of good stuff in her Crosswicks Journals about need, dependence, care, and how all of these are an essential part of being human.
So many of the ideas in the book are finding their way into my recent conversations. Looking forward to rereading when I've had a chance to let it all marinate for a while.
Oh yay!
Love the picture of your babies w your books! Congrats on the official launch of your book.
Thank you! They had a lot of fun (with minimal squabbling over who held what)
Yay!!!!!!
Congratulations, Leah! I'm really looking forward to getting into this book!
Many congratulations, Leah – really looking forward to my copy arriving here in the UK! 🙏🎉
Congratulations, friend!! Boston Public Library OFFICIALLY invited me to come pick it up today... such rule followers. ;) Excited to dive in. Praying for all of your readers!
Total discipline! Rogue copies are BANNED IN BOSTON.
Congratulations, Leah! I'm so delighted for you, and grateful for your years of writing here and creating a beautiful, vibrant community here.
Congrats! SO excited for this book :)
I pre-ordered it, so it arrived in my Kindle at midnight and I am well along. I will review as requested, and am already in love with it.
Congrats!
Review posted on Amazon and Goodreads
Make your own soup!
In a 2015 television ad for Campbell's soup, the sick boyfriend on the couch says, "You know, when I got sick, my mom used to make me chicken noodle soup." His girlfriend says, "Aww, okay." She walks away (you think to make him soup) and then she throws his phone to him and says, "You should call your mom." And she leaves the house.
This commercial kept coming to mind as I read The Dignity of Dependence.
"[M]any men and women live... believing in a narrow definition of "normal" life as autonomous life." There isn't room for care if every individual is expected to be fully independent at all times.
When do you make soup for others? Who makes soup for you?
Modern American society is a bed of Procrustes, where everyone is expected to fit into a fully independent (male) shape. Any part of life that hangs off the sides of this bed (cycles of fertility, childbearing, caring for aging or sick parents, etc) is seen as an *individual* problem to be cut off.
"It's impossible for a human being to meet an inhumane demand. But it's easy to feel like the problem is individual, a personal weakness, not an intrinsically impossible standard."
I started Leah Libresco Sargeant's The Dignity of Dependence after hosting a community dinner, when I was so tired that I told myself I would not pass Go or collect $200, but Go Directly to Bed, once the kids were asleep. Then I opened this book.... 145 pages later, I only paused reading because I could not keep my eyes open. I finished the book right away. This book was gripping! I was so interested!
I was astonished to read the statistics that in a car crash, a woman is 17 per cent more likely to die, and 73 per cent more likely to be injured than a man in the same crash. But the real shock was hearing that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration made no changes based on this data and blamed women for their own deaths because they were sitting "too close to the air bag." They're shorter on average!! What do you expect them to do?!
Instead of solving a *society* problem, like air bag settings, the industry is allowed to make women's shorter-on-average height an *individual* problem.
If height can be an individual problem, why not children? *You* "chose" to have children. (Nevermind that having children is the only way the human race continues!)
"Babies can't survive a culture that despises dependence. A baby who can't be easily accommodated is expected to be aborted. Women... cannot live a full, flourishing life when our basic biology is treated as a design flaw. We cannot pay an entry price in blood for an illusion of equality. A culture that idolizes autonomy can't value pregnancy."
I highly recommend reading The Dignity of Dependence, whatever your politics or current state in life. "We cannot treat the ordinary events of human life, like childbearing, education, and aging, as a surprise."
These topics are not women's issues, these are human issues. We all start as babies, we have times of dependence throughout our lives, and we grow old. We all need someone to make us soup.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful review! I can't believe that soup ad—it feel like the precursor to the AI friend ads up in the subways in NYC saying that an AI friend will never leave dishes in the sink. Ugh!
My husband and I reference the ad to each other all the time. When we saw it live on TV (it must have been at my in-laws at Christmas, we don't have a tv), we couldn't believe it. And, it's even worse than I remembered: in my memory, she throws him the microwaveable Soup to Go pack to make himself, but, no, she threw him his phone to call his mom!
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/AYX0/campbells-soup-real-real-life-mom
Similarly, in the movie Mona Lisa Smile, a hypothetical scenario is posed about a dinner party where the hostess gets a call from her husband about four unexpected extra guests who will be attending her dinner, only 45 minutes before that dinner is supposed to begin. Asked for their response to this culinary and social crisis, one character responds, "File for divorce."
At least in that era, her response is a shock to her peers. Now it's almost expected! What happened to our expectations that we would care about other people?!
Congratulations on the book's release! I can't wait to read it. I popped it on the bookstore's (that I work at) website. Our clientele will definitely feel it relevant.
https://classicaleducationbooks.ca/product/pre-order-the-dignity-of-dependence/
Oh yay! I hope it is fruitful for it’s readers.
Pardon the rough language, but this little clip from comedian Michelle Wolf cut to the chase on dependence and the ridiculousness of some “equality” claims, as is the way with comedy: babies are sexist 🤣. Thoughts?
https://youtube.com/shorts/Gc7aaIl0b6I?si=KCEYvv341D-hVw_I
Yay!...but when is it out in the UK? 😭
Is it… not out now? What do you see when you try to order it?
It is! https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/The-Dignity-of-Dependence-by-Leah-Libresco-Sargeant/9780268210335