Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Laura G's avatar

I'm late to commenting on this topic. I haven't read Hanania's piece because just the excerpt you quoted was too painful. I've been personally impacted by physician-assisted suicide (PAS). Someone very close to my husband died by PAS in California last spring. My husband called her "Godmother" (she wasn't a godmother in a religious sense; she was not religious and neither is my husband's family). She was like a mother to him because his own mother had died when he was a child. We visited with my husband's godmother after she was diagnosed with colon cancer and had already made the decision to die by PAS. When we were there, I realized that everyone--doctors, her family--was let off the hook by the PAS option. Nobody needed to provide care anymore, and this pernicious idea was made acceptable because a) my husband's godmother chose PAS, and b) it's a legitimate, legal, medical option. Reasonable and caring people don't push back against personal choice AND the legal advice of a doctor (doctors would say they don't advise PAS; maybe they don't explicitly advise it, but its mere presence as an option leads to it being advised implicitly). My husband's godmother hardly knew the doctor who approved the fatal drugs, and appointments were conducted on Zoom and by phone. The doctors did not push for hospice or for other interventions, like in-person counseling. And family members were relieved to not have a drawn-out process of dying (this was because of an overwhelming fear of disease and death; not because they were heartless). The line everyone adopted was, "this is what she wants, therefore it is right." Nobody pushed hard to intervene and say, "you are loved and we want to take care of you." (I tried pushing this message, but I was stymied by the inertia of the system-- the ball towards suicide had begun rolling and it was extremely difficult to push back against the message that "the patient is only taking medical advice! What's wrong with that? This is what she wants!") I will say that everyone involved meant well; they were trying to do what they thought was best. There was no "bad guy," which is what makes the horror of PAS so difficult for many to recognize and fight. Everyone wanted my husband's godmother to have a "good death." Because she chose PAS, they figured that is how she wanted to die and that it would be a good death because she chose it. I'm still struggling over her death because I saw how my husband's godmother didn't have good options and therefore couldn't make a good choice. She didn't have family who were able to step in and care for her. She was exhausted and lonely. She didn't know how long she would suffer, and nobody--particularly people she should have been able to trust, like doctors--would sit with her in person, to try to comfort her and help her navigate the true menu of options before her.

My husband's godmother did not have a good death. I've been thinking ever since about how I'm implicated in her death and the deaths of others like her--people who are lonely, scared, tired, and in pain. In the excerpt from Hanania you quoted, he said "[I] would gladly sacrifice myself when I'm old so that those I care about can live better and more fulfilling lives." I do not live a better life because my husband's godmother committed suicide with the help and approval of doctors, family, and the state of California. If euthanasia is about surviving friends and family members being fulfilled, I would say that my husband's godmother's suicide did not "fulfill" me in any way. I would have been more "fulfilled" (I really must put that word in scare quotes because I do not seek self-fulfillment out of life; it seems there are bigger and better things to aim for) if I had been able to care for her in her last weeks of life. I would have been "fulfilled" if I could have been allowed to show and give care to someone who desperately needed it. I would have loved to give her what she needed. But the legality of euthanasia prevented me from feeling the burden I wanted to feel. It prevented me and others from giving their love and care to a beloved friend and godmother.

Expand full comment
Kate Z.'s avatar

"There is a reason to stay aware until the end, so that you can know Christ more deeply." I certainly agree with this and remember learning about love and suffering when Kara Tippets was dying of cancer. Years later, I was faced with my own cancer diagnosis and have experienced this love first hand. By choosing to end my life, I would be denying the love of my family and my community. I would miss out on all the beautiful, painful moments where love becomes real. My mom has spent many year with a chronic illness that could kill her anytime. But she holds out for the love of her kids and grandchildren. I have learned so much from her.

Expand full comment
10 more comments...

No posts