I'm lucky enough to have all three, but a lot of that is tied to the church I'm a member of, which has become very small in the two years since we had a nasty split (and, among other things, one of our men was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's). As I've also learned in those last two years that my chronic health problems are not going away, I'm one of the people with more visible needs in that web of care. There are times --- between having to give up one of my jobs, some of my things getting worse even as others get better, and continual car problems --- where I seem to be constantly taking and not giving back. Nobody else has said anything like that, of course, it's just that voice inside my head, but there have been times where I probably should have asked for help and didn't. That's an internal more than an external hurdle, but I have to wonder if the people who look like they have the fewest needs and are always rushing around taking care of the rest of us don't have something similar telling them they must be careful to look relatively self-sufficient.
It strikes me that it is not only critical for people to offer help - it is critical for people to ask for it. I find that many women are willing to offer, but many of us have an internal barrier to asking - because we’re just supposed to be able to do this stuff. That is part of why the type of offering that you describe with Friendly Mom 3 is so helpful - because it assumes help is needed, and makes accepting it easier.
I commented under Penguin Mom, but I think another thing to add to your list, Leah, would be the necessity of humility. Both receiving and giving care requires it, as you (or someone?) alluded to in their reference to vulnerability.
This doesn't answer your questions, and I know unrequested medical advice is frequently annoying or off-base, so please disregard this if it's not helpful.
In case your Staph is MRSA or otherwise resisting treatment, I have a relative who's a medical professional peripherally involved with MRSA research. They have mentioned that biofilms are often implicated in such cases. Treatments include Boluoke (lumbrokinase) or the weaker serrapeptase, which are enzymes that break down biofilms so the antibiotics can reach the pathogens.
Glad you are doing better! Last weekend my husband and I were both sick with 102+ fevers at the same time. We've never both been really sick at the same time before, and it was pretty tough. We don't have kids so we basically just took the route of buying a bunch of takeout and letting the house fall apart for a few days. I am just now realizing that it didn't occur to us at any time to ask someone else for help... and, to be fair, our local community is a bit slim nowadays due to the fact that we're both nearing the end of our PhDs. A lot of our friends have graduated and moved on by now, and we are also anticipating moving in less than a year. But I don't think we really would have called anyone regardless. We're all mostly childless and can afford to blow $100 on takeout for a few days. It's good that we can, but also a bit sad in its own way.
UPDATE: in the ~15m since I sent this, I discovered Helpful Mom 3 isn’t just bringing us dinner tonight, she’s also set up a meal train.
I'm lucky enough to have all three, but a lot of that is tied to the church I'm a member of, which has become very small in the two years since we had a nasty split (and, among other things, one of our men was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's). As I've also learned in those last two years that my chronic health problems are not going away, I'm one of the people with more visible needs in that web of care. There are times --- between having to give up one of my jobs, some of my things getting worse even as others get better, and continual car problems --- where I seem to be constantly taking and not giving back. Nobody else has said anything like that, of course, it's just that voice inside my head, but there have been times where I probably should have asked for help and didn't. That's an internal more than an external hurdle, but I have to wonder if the people who look like they have the fewest needs and are always rushing around taking care of the rest of us don't have something similar telling them they must be careful to look relatively self-sufficient.
I'm glad the infection is starting to turn around and that you've had good community support. And I'm sorry things have been hard and scary!
It strikes me that it is not only critical for people to offer help - it is critical for people to ask for it. I find that many women are willing to offer, but many of us have an internal barrier to asking - because we’re just supposed to be able to do this stuff. That is part of why the type of offering that you describe with Friendly Mom 3 is so helpful - because it assumes help is needed, and makes accepting it easier.
I commented under Penguin Mom, but I think another thing to add to your list, Leah, would be the necessity of humility. Both receiving and giving care requires it, as you (or someone?) alluded to in their reference to vulnerability.
This doesn't answer your questions, and I know unrequested medical advice is frequently annoying or off-base, so please disregard this if it's not helpful.
In case your Staph is MRSA or otherwise resisting treatment, I have a relative who's a medical professional peripherally involved with MRSA research. They have mentioned that biofilms are often implicated in such cases. Treatments include Boluoke (lumbrokinase) or the weaker serrapeptase, which are enzymes that break down biofilms so the antibiotics can reach the pathogens.
Glad you are doing better! Last weekend my husband and I were both sick with 102+ fevers at the same time. We've never both been really sick at the same time before, and it was pretty tough. We don't have kids so we basically just took the route of buying a bunch of takeout and letting the house fall apart for a few days. I am just now realizing that it didn't occur to us at any time to ask someone else for help... and, to be fair, our local community is a bit slim nowadays due to the fact that we're both nearing the end of our PhDs. A lot of our friends have graduated and moved on by now, and we are also anticipating moving in less than a year. But I don't think we really would have called anyone regardless. We're all mostly childless and can afford to blow $100 on takeout for a few days. It's good that we can, but also a bit sad in its own way.