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Elizabeth Burtman's avatar

A coffee shop near me has ~4 steps and a ramp to its entrance--but the ramp is built into the landscaping, a gently sloping brick-paved path with plants growing along all sides of the ramp. (This cafe also has a nice little kids' play corner and is temptingly close to my usual grocery store...) It's beautifully hospitable, and I've been dreaming of making the entrance to our house similarly accessible. I love that the designers of this space have made the accessible/inclusive option the more enticing and apparently more intentional one.

Kate D.'s avatar

My sister and my mom and I just read Being Mortal, and accommodations that will help my mom stay in her house as she ages are something we discuss often (even though she's super active and healthy at the moment!).

My mom moved states to be near me and now lives nine houses down from me, on the same side of the street, in a walkable neighborhood. We walk to church and the library every week and she can (and does) easily walk to the grocery store, her favorite soup restaurant, her dentist, and to my brother and his family's house.

It's hard to predict what symptoms of aging you'll see presented first, but "not being able to drive anymore" is a common one and an extremely limiting one for people in America (even when it's not because you're old! My brother-in-law moved to NYC straight from college and never got his driver's license until he moved to our city after 2020 and then he had to learn to drive as an adult! A young adult neighbor of ours had a seizure and is seemingly fine now, but can't drive for a year and he gave away his dog and sold his house and moved to an apartment where he could walk to work, it was just too hard to run his life without a car.).

And if you can't drive to your regular activities, like church or book club, often you lose those friends that you used to see regularly, which is additionally isolating.

So when I wanted my mom to live near me, I wanted the "easily walkable by a toddler in all weathers" kind of near me. My toddler runs to Nana's house many times a week, it really is his second home. My husband shovels my mom's driveway, and it's easier for us to do things like that because she's so close. My mom walks most places (and bikes a lot), which, depending on what fails first when she gets older, might mean that some of her routines wouldn't change if she wasn't able to drive (or wasn't able to drive at night).

We're discussing adding a first floor bathroom to her house, and have also discussed making an upstairs room a kitchenette, so that either floor of her house could be a full apartment and she wouldn't need to go between floors without assistance when she's older. My husband and I feel really really strongly about helping her stay in her house and not go to a facility, which we've had poor experiences with, with other family members.

If you want to think about what it means to take care of your parents, watch the 1930s movie Make Way for Tomorrow. You won't forget it quickly!

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