I would say strong signs of marriageability 1) a person who has good friends who are other-oriented, are excited about having kids (or at least not afraid of children), and who are taking on responsibility in their own lives, 2) a person who does what they say they will do, or is honest when they haven't done that, 3) a person who can apologize, 4) a person who pursues delayed gratification (showing discipline) in some area of their life. 5) a sense of humor and joy in challenge (bonus if their family shares this strength), and lastly, 6) someone who thinks critically about their own values and isn't afraid to disagree respectfully with people they are close to.
(1) Already engages in works of service and mercy: volunteering at food kitchens, supporting special olympics-type events, tutoring youths with economic need, yard care projects for their place of worship or elderly/single moms in their community, helping at funerals or volunteering at any kind of non-youth related church event, helps in church nurseries, and etc.
(1a) Any sort of sustained activity that demonstrates an awareness of the other and love for them. I would include cheerful and competent responsibility to family life, like helping drive siblings around, and looking forward to family traditions/events.
And I will add this - if your home has 2 working parents bringing in above 300k a year and you travel internationally and vacation and live in a a nice suburb- your daughter will not be dating or marrying a future plumber - that is just not happening even if he is a man of golden character and wonderful! The opposite is true as well. Our friends son ( an engineer ) raised in upper middle class suburbs, fell in love and married a lovely young lady from a humble background - small house, no TV never left the country, vacationed in farms- on the wedding day- the boy’s father while supportive of his son, told my husband- he could have done better and found a girl from his high school or church but the heart wants what it wants. They love her but it took them a while to get adjusted to her background. just saying. Humans are complicated.
I love the salon photo! I suggest two things. First, get better at being considerate. This is pretty easy to start: first, pay attention to things people do for YOU that reflect recognition and care, even small things, like letting you go first at an intersection, remembering how you take your coffee, replacing the used-up toilet paper roll. Then start paying attention to things other people seem to find helpful, and practice doing them. This can be fun as fieldwork too, watching how other people show consideration to each other. In my old neighborhood I could look out every snowy morning and see my neighbor clearing off his wife's car before she had to drive to work. The second thing is being marriageable by seeking a good match, not just a person you happen to love or a person who seems to like what you like about yourself.
Fascinating essays and discussion. There are so many layers to this topic than a substack or a WSJ article can address. I am of Indian origin,raised in a Christian home where our community believed and still believes in arranged marriages. I had an arranged marriage at 23, was a mother at 24. My husband was 27 when we wed. Back then, my dad had two questions to ask my now husband- 1. How much is your monthly salary? 2.How tall are you? They knew where he worked, they had met his parents and knew his family or origin and community and they knew the faith he was raised in. They trusted the family structure and community upbringing and his formation on a foundational level enough to arrange the marriage. of course we had struggles along the way- neither one of us was perfect and we made mistakes and we had to grow up. But we knew that our family structures would support us and encourage us and we had our faith and believed in something bigger than us. We came from similar backgrounds and looked for the similar things to hold us. Today in 2026 it’s a lot different and yet the same- birds of a feather flock together. A high net worth young man looks for a high net worth young lady. It’s silly to expect otherwise. We raise our children in specific ways and we need to teach them to be open, social, kind, friendly, take responsibility, be a young man of honor and duty and work hard. Young people are either siloed into groups or have no friends or social life. It’s crazy hard out there for young people. As immigrants it’s even harder- do we marry from the same ethnic background or we do look outside? Which is right? Which is wrong? I like quite a bit of what Scott Galloway says in his new book. But I do think we need to bring back Arranged marriages! Ms.Leah - If you would like to discuss arranged marriages more from 2001 to what young peoples are struggling with now send me a DM:) I would LOVE to chat!
I would say strong signs of marriageability 1) a person who has good friends who are other-oriented, are excited about having kids (or at least not afraid of children), and who are taking on responsibility in their own lives, 2) a person who does what they say they will do, or is honest when they haven't done that, 3) a person who can apologize, 4) a person who pursues delayed gratification (showing discipline) in some area of their life. 5) a sense of humor and joy in challenge (bonus if their family shares this strength), and lastly, 6) someone who thinks critically about their own values and isn't afraid to disagree respectfully with people they are close to.
This is exactly my list and how I knew my husband was fit to marry when he proposed at 21, even though we weren’t even out of college yet.
The signal of marriageability ought to be virtue, generally speaking.
Strong signs of marriageability
(1) Already engages in works of service and mercy: volunteering at food kitchens, supporting special olympics-type events, tutoring youths with economic need, yard care projects for their place of worship or elderly/single moms in their community, helping at funerals or volunteering at any kind of non-youth related church event, helps in church nurseries, and etc.
(1a) Any sort of sustained activity that demonstrates an awareness of the other and love for them. I would include cheerful and competent responsibility to family life, like helping drive siblings around, and looking forward to family traditions/events.
And I will add this - if your home has 2 working parents bringing in above 300k a year and you travel internationally and vacation and live in a a nice suburb- your daughter will not be dating or marrying a future plumber - that is just not happening even if he is a man of golden character and wonderful! The opposite is true as well. Our friends son ( an engineer ) raised in upper middle class suburbs, fell in love and married a lovely young lady from a humble background - small house, no TV never left the country, vacationed in farms- on the wedding day- the boy’s father while supportive of his son, told my husband- he could have done better and found a girl from his high school or church but the heart wants what it wants. They love her but it took them a while to get adjusted to her background. just saying. Humans are complicated.
Speaking for myself, fix mental health problems quickly and aggressively.
I love the salon photo! I suggest two things. First, get better at being considerate. This is pretty easy to start: first, pay attention to things people do for YOU that reflect recognition and care, even small things, like letting you go first at an intersection, remembering how you take your coffee, replacing the used-up toilet paper roll. Then start paying attention to things other people seem to find helpful, and practice doing them. This can be fun as fieldwork too, watching how other people show consideration to each other. In my old neighborhood I could look out every snowy morning and see my neighbor clearing off his wife's car before she had to drive to work. The second thing is being marriageable by seeking a good match, not just a person you happen to love or a person who seems to like what you like about yourself.
Fascinating essays and discussion. There are so many layers to this topic than a substack or a WSJ article can address. I am of Indian origin,raised in a Christian home where our community believed and still believes in arranged marriages. I had an arranged marriage at 23, was a mother at 24. My husband was 27 when we wed. Back then, my dad had two questions to ask my now husband- 1. How much is your monthly salary? 2.How tall are you? They knew where he worked, they had met his parents and knew his family or origin and community and they knew the faith he was raised in. They trusted the family structure and community upbringing and his formation on a foundational level enough to arrange the marriage. of course we had struggles along the way- neither one of us was perfect and we made mistakes and we had to grow up. But we knew that our family structures would support us and encourage us and we had our faith and believed in something bigger than us. We came from similar backgrounds and looked for the similar things to hold us. Today in 2026 it’s a lot different and yet the same- birds of a feather flock together. A high net worth young man looks for a high net worth young lady. It’s silly to expect otherwise. We raise our children in specific ways and we need to teach them to be open, social, kind, friendly, take responsibility, be a young man of honor and duty and work hard. Young people are either siloed into groups or have no friends or social life. It’s crazy hard out there for young people. As immigrants it’s even harder- do we marry from the same ethnic background or we do look outside? Which is right? Which is wrong? I like quite a bit of what Scott Galloway says in his new book. But I do think we need to bring back Arranged marriages! Ms.Leah - If you would like to discuss arranged marriages more from 2001 to what young peoples are struggling with now send me a DM:) I would LOVE to chat!