Holding a stable job and being able to provide for one’s family is part of what it means to be a good spouse, but it flows out of bigger questions of character and how one handles responsibility. If we want to see marriages rebound, it isn’t enough to focus on expanding blue-collar work. High-school seniors need to have more faith they can handle the duties of marriage and child-rearing. Giving them more lectures on how important marriage is won’t do it—they think so highly of the institution that they judge themselves incapable of living up to it. Kids need more time away from adult supervision, pursuing projects of their own design, with the freedom to fail and to learn.
I’ve also seen friends argue that if you’d like people to match and marry earlier, you need different signals of potential/responsibility/etc than pulling in big wages, since your potential spouse will be earlier in his career.
Back in November, I got to speak at the de Nicola Center Fall Conference. It’s always a highlight of the year when I get to go. This time, the theme was “‘That which I Also Received’: Living Tradition” and my talk was titled: Known by Our Need: Images of Maternity as a Guide to God’s Love.
If you’re one of the people who wished that The Dignity of Dependencewas more explicitly Christian, instead of being part of Notre Dame’s series on “Catholic Ideas for a Secular World,” then this is the missing chapter of the book.
My talk starts at 20:16, and the other two talks include Kelly Anderson explaining why Jael is a type of the Ark of the Covenant and Abigail Jorgensen on “woundability.”
I would say strong signs of marriageability 1) a person who has good friends who are other-oriented, are excited about having kids (or at least not afraid of children), and who are taking on responsibility in their own lives, 2) a person who does what they say they will do, or is honest when they haven't done that, 3) a person who can apologize, 4) a person who pursues delayed gratification (showing discipline) in some area of their life. 5) a sense of humor and joy in challenge (bonus if their family shares this strength), and lastly, 6) someone who thinks critically about their own values and isn't afraid to disagree respectfully with people they are close to.
And I will add this - if your home has 2 working parents bringing in above 300k a year and you travel internationally and vacation and live in a a nice suburb- your daughter will not be dating or marrying a future plumber - that is just not happening even if he is a man of golden character and wonderful! The opposite is true as well. Our friends son ( an engineer ) raised in upper middle class suburbs, fell in love and married a lovely young lady from a humble background - small house, no TV never left the country, vacationed in farms- on the wedding day- the boy’s father while supportive of his son, told my husband- he could have done better and found a girl from his high school or church but the heart wants what it wants. They love her but it took them a while to get adjusted to her background. just saying. Humans are complicated.
I would say strong signs of marriageability 1) a person who has good friends who are other-oriented, are excited about having kids (or at least not afraid of children), and who are taking on responsibility in their own lives, 2) a person who does what they say they will do, or is honest when they haven't done that, 3) a person who can apologize, 4) a person who pursues delayed gratification (showing discipline) in some area of their life. 5) a sense of humor and joy in challenge (bonus if their family shares this strength), and lastly, 6) someone who thinks critically about their own values and isn't afraid to disagree respectfully with people they are close to.
And I will add this - if your home has 2 working parents bringing in above 300k a year and you travel internationally and vacation and live in a a nice suburb- your daughter will not be dating or marrying a future plumber - that is just not happening even if he is a man of golden character and wonderful! The opposite is true as well. Our friends son ( an engineer ) raised in upper middle class suburbs, fell in love and married a lovely young lady from a humble background - small house, no TV never left the country, vacationed in farms- on the wedding day- the boy’s father while supportive of his son, told my husband- he could have done better and found a girl from his high school or church but the heart wants what it wants. They love her but it took them a while to get adjusted to her background. just saying. Humans are complicated.