Appreciation is my usual reaction these posts but this one is particularly fine. I grew up observing men lend their strength: my brothers, my uncles, friends' dads. Recently I had the gift of seeing my son carry heavy things to the honor of a lost friend. The pairing of teen boys and elder care is inspired, as new-felt strength serves visible goods.
3 of my teenage/young adult sons recently had the opportunity to help my mom and dad (ages 85 & 86), who were getting new carpet & paint in their bedroom & needed their furniture moved out & then back in. On the surface, that seems like an easy, of-not-much-significance task, and maybe even a little annoying. But reading your post made me reflect on how important that really was. My strong young men were able to do something in minutes that would have taken my parents days (and maybe resulted in harm or injury). And my boys saw they were needed, saw their role at this point in the generations. My dad now relies on my youngest (age 17) to fix things for him (case in point: rototiller), & I know my son feels the power of his grandfather's belief in him. Thanks for encouraging us to look beneath the surface!
This post made me weirdly emotional? I'm male and work in quite a female-heavy, very cognitive/caring profession. Everyone told me that my university course and first few years of working would be really hard, and sometimes they were- but mostly not. I have this feeling of being kind of morally/spiritually flabby and untested, having been promised a crucible and given a lukewarm bath
Nowadays, my most satisfying days at work are where I get to use my stamina to power through 12+ hour shifts, but my most satisfying days recently are the times where I helped my uncles rebuild their house next door. No skills, just dumb carrying, hammering, ripping, working- I couldn't believe how content I was afterwards and how much more valuable and sure of myself I felt.
I am a male occasional reader and commenter. I missed the last post and have not had the time/energy to write anything extensive for this one. My main problem has been that due to blindness, I have the physical strength but struggle cognitively with manual tasks. This is an issue for some disabled women too, and perhaps others; people don't always know how far to push other people and continue teaching them the needed skills, when it can be overwhelming on both sides. Like other men have said, having a child definitely helps focus my physical strength. I sometimes carry my son on my backpack on walks, using my cane.
Particularly relevant to this conversation is the part about how colleges try to change their programming and advertisement to appeal to men, by adding football teams and focusing on sports and rock climbing in promotions. Reading it, I was struck by the shallowness of their approach to making an institution attractive for men. How about focusing on strength-intensive volunteer work like Habitat for Humanity, or adding a university-specific version of the Carnegie Hero Award (https://www.carnegiehero.org/awardee_pr/16-recognized-for-extraordinary-acts-of-heroism/) and prominently featuring the winners?
My 16 year old son recently got a near-full time job this summer at A Rocha (an international creation-care Christian ministry) as a Site Maintence Crew member, and it was all hard labour, all the time, 35+ hours a week.
This is by *far* the hardest he's worked, and he is not someone who *loves* manual labor. It was so so good for him, though, and he enjoyed it, too. I knew he needed to work his body hard this summer and this was the only job available to him through interviews, so he took it.
It was a great experience - not only did he learn really useful 'handy-man' type skills, he excelled at them, made a bunch of friends with some of the other interns (they eat communally every day for lunch, usually about 30 + people!), and had that wonderful feeling of "happily satisfied" at the end of every day with using his body and getting jobs done.
(I’m reminded of the heroism of the Cajun Navy in the wake of Katrina. It’s great to have a norm that people go out to help after a storm that doesn’t rise to the level of federal disaster.)
My favorite is of the 9/11 boatlift in the wake of the 9/11 attacks in NYC: "the epic story of the 9/11 boatlift that evacuated half a million people from the stricken piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan."
Appreciation is my usual reaction these posts but this one is particularly fine. I grew up observing men lend their strength: my brothers, my uncles, friends' dads. Recently I had the gift of seeing my son carry heavy things to the honor of a lost friend. The pairing of teen boys and elder care is inspired, as new-felt strength serves visible goods.
Love that last photo of your husband!
3 of my teenage/young adult sons recently had the opportunity to help my mom and dad (ages 85 & 86), who were getting new carpet & paint in their bedroom & needed their furniture moved out & then back in. On the surface, that seems like an easy, of-not-much-significance task, and maybe even a little annoying. But reading your post made me reflect on how important that really was. My strong young men were able to do something in minutes that would have taken my parents days (and maybe resulted in harm or injury). And my boys saw they were needed, saw their role at this point in the generations. My dad now relies on my youngest (age 17) to fix things for him (case in point: rototiller), & I know my son feels the power of his grandfather's belief in him. Thanks for encouraging us to look beneath the surface!
This post made me weirdly emotional? I'm male and work in quite a female-heavy, very cognitive/caring profession. Everyone told me that my university course and first few years of working would be really hard, and sometimes they were- but mostly not. I have this feeling of being kind of morally/spiritually flabby and untested, having been promised a crucible and given a lukewarm bath
Nowadays, my most satisfying days at work are where I get to use my stamina to power through 12+ hour shifts, but my most satisfying days recently are the times where I helped my uncles rebuild their house next door. No skills, just dumb carrying, hammering, ripping, working- I couldn't believe how content I was afterwards and how much more valuable and sure of myself I felt.
I am a male occasional reader and commenter. I missed the last post and have not had the time/energy to write anything extensive for this one. My main problem has been that due to blindness, I have the physical strength but struggle cognitively with manual tasks. This is an issue for some disabled women too, and perhaps others; people don't always know how far to push other people and continue teaching them the needed skills, when it can be overwhelming on both sides. Like other men have said, having a child definitely helps focus my physical strength. I sometimes carry my son on my backpack on walks, using my cane.
I'm reminded of this recent article in the New York Times about affirmative action for men: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/08/magazine/men-college-enrollment.html .
Particularly relevant to this conversation is the part about how colleges try to change their programming and advertisement to appeal to men, by adding football teams and focusing on sports and rock climbing in promotions. Reading it, I was struck by the shallowness of their approach to making an institution attractive for men. How about focusing on strength-intensive volunteer work like Habitat for Humanity, or adding a university-specific version of the Carnegie Hero Award (https://www.carnegiehero.org/awardee_pr/16-recognized-for-extraordinary-acts-of-heroism/) and prominently featuring the winners?
for the 'mom of boys' question..
My 16 year old son recently got a near-full time job this summer at A Rocha (an international creation-care Christian ministry) as a Site Maintence Crew member, and it was all hard labour, all the time, 35+ hours a week.
This is by *far* the hardest he's worked, and he is not someone who *loves* manual labor. It was so so good for him, though, and he enjoyed it, too. I knew he needed to work his body hard this summer and this was the only job available to him through interviews, so he took it.
It was a great experience - not only did he learn really useful 'handy-man' type skills, he excelled at them, made a bunch of friends with some of the other interns (they eat communally every day for lunch, usually about 30 + people!), and had that wonderful feeling of "happily satisfied" at the end of every day with using his body and getting jobs done.
(I’m reminded of the heroism of the Cajun Navy in the wake of Katrina. It’s great to have a norm that people go out to help after a storm that doesn’t rise to the level of federal disaster.)
My favorite is of the 9/11 boatlift in the wake of the 9/11 attacks in NYC: "the epic story of the 9/11 boatlift that evacuated half a million people from the stricken piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18lsxFcDrjo
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/911-flotilla-boats-evacuated-500000-new-yorkers-safety-180978614/
A modern day Dunkirk!