When my patients tell me they don’t want to be a burden, I observe they themselves are bearing many burdens: their suffering, their losses, their frustrations, other things. Those things are burdens. But they don’t become a burden by bearing them. These burdens are too much for any one person to bear. Most have a choice to share those burdens with others. This is, as Meilaender observes, how others can love them.
I confess I am inclined to see Lewis as paternalistic, here. I’m angered, a little, by the attitude that men are competent to determine for a women what her ideal path in life ought to be, and to pity her when she deviates from it.
Your broader point that women might generally experience infertility in a different way to men is worth mulling on, but only if it is not to be applied in such a way as to collapse all women into a narrow mould.
This matter of bearing up under burdens, it's an admirable one, but sometimes, the burdens are not shared equally, and others are pushed into the burdens of caring unequally, in the name of family. This is something I've seen in different family situations. The interests of some are more prioritized than others', so they don't have to make those same sacrifices. In these instances, family becomes a basis for exploitation.
I read ‘A Severe Mercy’ many years ago - it made a huge difference (for the better) in how I could respond to difficult circumstances. I highly recommend this book and am glad to see that LLS has made reference to it.
I’m still kicking myself for not taking one of his courses in university. Hindsight tells me it would have been an incredibly valuable experience (and several friends of mine did have him for a professor) but I prioritised other aspects of my degree at that time. 😬
Congratulations on your imminent birth! I am curious about the “illegal to fly” comment. Has the law changed on that front?
The last I’ve seen is that many airlines have policies restricting travel after 36 weeks (but not all, like Alaska). I haven’t seen any state or federal laws banning flying.
Proposed laws dictating what women who are or may become pregnant can do are (imo) significant state overreach, especially when they can have unintended effects (like a woman in remote Alaska unable to go to a larger city via a commercial airline 2 weeks out). The way these types of laws were defended in the past here (and currently elsewhere, like Russia) was frequently based on a paternalistic idea that women couldn’t be trusted to make the right decisions.
When my patients tell me they don’t want to be a burden, I observe they themselves are bearing many burdens: their suffering, their losses, their frustrations, other things. Those things are burdens. But they don’t become a burden by bearing them. These burdens are too much for any one person to bear. Most have a choice to share those burdens with others. This is, as Meilaender observes, how others can love them.
I confess I am inclined to see Lewis as paternalistic, here. I’m angered, a little, by the attitude that men are competent to determine for a women what her ideal path in life ought to be, and to pity her when she deviates from it.
Your broader point that women might generally experience infertility in a different way to men is worth mulling on, but only if it is not to be applied in such a way as to collapse all women into a narrow mould.
This matter of bearing up under burdens, it's an admirable one, but sometimes, the burdens are not shared equally, and others are pushed into the burdens of caring unequally, in the name of family. This is something I've seen in different family situations. The interests of some are more prioritized than others', so they don't have to make those same sacrifices. In these instances, family becomes a basis for exploitation.
I read ‘A Severe Mercy’ many years ago - it made a huge difference (for the better) in how I could respond to difficult circumstances. I highly recommend this book and am glad to see that LLS has made reference to it.
Could you expand on male infertility and female infertility as different privations?
I’m still kicking myself for not taking one of his courses in university. Hindsight tells me it would have been an incredibly valuable experience (and several friends of mine did have him for a professor) but I prioritised other aspects of my degree at that time. 😬
Yes, yes, yes to human dignity discussions!
Congratulations on your imminent birth! I am curious about the “illegal to fly” comment. Has the law changed on that front?
The last I’ve seen is that many airlines have policies restricting travel after 36 weeks (but not all, like Alaska). I haven’t seen any state or federal laws banning flying.
Proposed laws dictating what women who are or may become pregnant can do are (imo) significant state overreach, especially when they can have unintended effects (like a woman in remote Alaska unable to go to a larger city via a commercial airline 2 weeks out). The way these types of laws were defended in the past here (and currently elsewhere, like Russia) was frequently based on a paternalistic idea that women couldn’t be trusted to make the right decisions.
So interesting...Looking forward to hearing more!