When my mom had a bike crash and broke her pelvis, I thought I'd be in the perfect position to be helpful to her, as a stay at home Mom who lived a short walk away. But I found that as a mom of a jumpy toddler (not helpful around painfully broken bones), I actually couldn't come over unless there was someone else to watch my daughter. My brother, who was single at the time and could sometimes work remotely (and who could walk to work nearby), moved in with my mom for six weeks. He could be there during the day most days and overnights and I could come after my husband was done with work for the evening or when I had babysitting. My sister came to visit for a week to help too, but then had to go home. I was so glad my brother and my mom had both moved to the same city where I lived (after much encouragement from me). If my mom had still lived a few states away when she crashed on her bike, I don't know how we would have taken care of her. After a full recovery, my mom is back to biking over 1200 miles a year.
My mom is so capable and active, being dependent, even temporarily, is really hard. She recently had dental surgery and wasn't supposed to drive or bike for a week or two during recovery. I came over and we watched The Chosen and did puzzles and after two days of that, my mom was super bored and wishing she could go on long bike rides with her biking group again.
I'm so sorry for your mom! And I'm glad your brother could be the anchor while the rest of you helped in your own way.
We all really need the swiss cheese approach to community—many people we might ask for help, because we don't know who will already be occupied by a conflicting need. My brother did so much more for my dad than I did while he was in hospice, because I was 4 hours away by Amtrak, with a toddler in my house and a baby in my belly.
Being open to need means sometimes you'll already have taken on responsibilities when a new need you wish you could answer comes along.
That’s up to Notre Dame Press. My contract doesn’t let me do it on my own, and it sounds like it’s not something they have done in the past (esp as an academic press). I’ve been asking people who ask me to send a note in, explaining why they want to see it, since I think it’s not something they anticipate demand for as a small press.
Let me know if there is a specific person to write to. As Vice President of the Xavier Society, I hope that my letter might be more persuasive. In addition to Audible, the other option is to make it available in the databases that are for people with disabilities only. If nothing else, a version on Kindle could be turned in to audio easily. That said, I don't know a lot about audio book production but I am in the process of learning anyway for my work.
I don't have a particular contact, but I'd love for you to make sure they know about the restricted databases as a middle option, esp for speciality books that wouldn't cover the cost of taping the narration.
One of the most common concerns I hear from my patients is, "I don't want to be a burden." It's an expression of their love and concern for others as they recognize caregiving is really hard and, for people with serious illness, usually carries with it a major change (and loss) of roles. But it's also a sad reflection of our culture which has taught them that to be dependent is to lose value.
And there's so much reassurance framed as proving you're *not* too much of a burden. The more vehemently its delivered, the more it sounds like, "You're not too much of a burden right now, but you're right it would be a HUGE PROBLEM if you actually became one."
Sometimes we need to be able to say, "Yes you're a burden, yes, you're not giving back what you recieve, and that's OK."
Ordered! I likely would have preordered anyway (b/c I love your work & have been following along as you've worked on this project), but the excerpt that Ryan shared is what got me today: I am in the THICK of elder care stuff right now, dealing w elders who need help but are struggling to accept that. You're right: we are all interdependent, and we should feel honored when we have the opportunity to give or receive care. This *is* sacred work.
Ordered!
When my mom had a bike crash and broke her pelvis, I thought I'd be in the perfect position to be helpful to her, as a stay at home Mom who lived a short walk away. But I found that as a mom of a jumpy toddler (not helpful around painfully broken bones), I actually couldn't come over unless there was someone else to watch my daughter. My brother, who was single at the time and could sometimes work remotely (and who could walk to work nearby), moved in with my mom for six weeks. He could be there during the day most days and overnights and I could come after my husband was done with work for the evening or when I had babysitting. My sister came to visit for a week to help too, but then had to go home. I was so glad my brother and my mom had both moved to the same city where I lived (after much encouragement from me). If my mom had still lived a few states away when she crashed on her bike, I don't know how we would have taken care of her. After a full recovery, my mom is back to biking over 1200 miles a year.
My mom is so capable and active, being dependent, even temporarily, is really hard. She recently had dental surgery and wasn't supposed to drive or bike for a week or two during recovery. I came over and we watched The Chosen and did puzzles and after two days of that, my mom was super bored and wishing she could go on long bike rides with her biking group again.
I look forward to reading your book!
I'm so sorry for your mom! And I'm glad your brother could be the anchor while the rest of you helped in your own way.
We all really need the swiss cheese approach to community—many people we might ask for help, because we don't know who will already be occupied by a conflicting need. My brother did so much more for my dad than I did while he was in hospice, because I was 4 hours away by Amtrak, with a toddler in my house and a baby in my belly.
Being open to need means sometimes you'll already have taken on responsibilities when a new need you wish you could answer comes along.
Late happy birthday, and congratulations on the book being ever closer to being released. Are you going to be able to make an audio book version?
That’s up to Notre Dame Press. My contract doesn’t let me do it on my own, and it sounds like it’s not something they have done in the past (esp as an academic press). I’ve been asking people who ask me to send a note in, explaining why they want to see it, since I think it’s not something they anticipate demand for as a small press.
Let me know if there is a specific person to write to. As Vice President of the Xavier Society, I hope that my letter might be more persuasive. In addition to Audible, the other option is to make it available in the databases that are for people with disabilities only. If nothing else, a version on Kindle could be turned in to audio easily. That said, I don't know a lot about audio book production but I am in the process of learning anyway for my work.
I don't have a particular contact, but I'd love for you to make sure they know about the restricted databases as a middle option, esp for speciality books that wouldn't cover the cost of taping the narration.
Looking forward to this.
One of the most common concerns I hear from my patients is, "I don't want to be a burden." It's an expression of their love and concern for others as they recognize caregiving is really hard and, for people with serious illness, usually carries with it a major change (and loss) of roles. But it's also a sad reflection of our culture which has taught them that to be dependent is to lose value.
And there's so much reassurance framed as proving you're *not* too much of a burden. The more vehemently its delivered, the more it sounds like, "You're not too much of a burden right now, but you're right it would be a HUGE PROBLEM if you actually became one."
Sometimes we need to be able to say, "Yes you're a burden, yes, you're not giving back what you recieve, and that's OK."
Purchase request for the Brookline library is IN!
That counts!
Ordered! I likely would have preordered anyway (b/c I love your work & have been following along as you've worked on this project), but the excerpt that Ryan shared is what got me today: I am in the THICK of elder care stuff right now, dealing w elders who need help but are struggling to accept that. You're right: we are all interdependent, and we should feel honored when we have the opportunity to give or receive care. This *is* sacred work.
Thank you! It meant so much to me seeing Ryan's comment, because my big test for the book is whether it holds up in hard times.