I actually started thinking about passing on my possessions when I was convinced I would be entering religious life (God had other plans for me, but I offered)! I had a preliminary mental list of who would get some of my favourite wardrobe pieces. Five years later, I haven't reconsidered it much, but probably should. I've got more stuff now, and there is a substantial logistical difference between dying to the world and dying for real.
I made a rudimentary sort of will in my twenties, because my parents were making theirs and I thought I might as well make mine. I updated it a year or two ago.
Making and/or updating a will is always going to be a thought-provoking experience. When you're middle-aged without a spouse or children, like I am, it REALLY makes you dig down deep, because you have to think hard about who's going to get the things that are most important to you. I have a sister, godchildren, and cousins, so that means my things won't all just be let loose in the world, but I still had to consider who gets what.
I found myself itemizing and dividing up jewelry very carefully (and then hoping my executors follow through and don't just get overwhelmed and give up!). Now that I've done that, I do sometimes find myself thinking of this or that item as something I share with the future recipient, not just something that's all mine. And I also find myself less inclined to buy frivolous stuff, because I'll only have a few decades with it and then it'll be someone else's. That doesn't come without regret, because let's face it, buying frivolous stuff can be a lot of fun! :-) But I find myself getting much more practical.
One more related thought: Recently I was discussing family photos with a close friend who's also single and childless. This can be a really tough subject. We grew up with those photos, and some of them are among our most precious possessions, but we have no children to pass them on to. (And even if we did, our children wouldn't know many of the people in them. We could tell them who all the people were, but it wouldn't be quite the same.) We can and probably will give them to cousins, but they already have all the ones from their parents and will probably feel overloaded. But it dawned on me as we were talking that, if many of my family photos end up in antique stores to be sold to strangers, I don't think I'd mind all that much! They might capture the attention and the imagination of someone else who'd enjoy looking at them and speculating about them, and that's not such a terrible way to end up.
"The biggest thing I do to encounter that confrontation day-to-day is asking friends who are religious 'Is there anything I can pray for for you?' before we end a conversation."
Honestly, I am not religious and I would love to be asked that question. I remember a time when I was talking on the phone with a religious friend about a pretty serious situation and her response was "I will drop everything and go pray for [them] right now." It was such a beautiful and tender expression of caring.
when you have minor children and you write a will - who do you leave your children to? that's the only part of the will that matters. that's a really difficult decision. maybe easier for those who have siblings they could trust with their children or who have young grandparents. my prayer was only that i would live long enough to raise my children. that prayer was lovingly answered. the rest is insignificant.
I actually started thinking about passing on my possessions when I was convinced I would be entering religious life (God had other plans for me, but I offered)! I had a preliminary mental list of who would get some of my favourite wardrobe pieces. Five years later, I haven't reconsidered it much, but probably should. I've got more stuff now, and there is a substantial logistical difference between dying to the world and dying for real.
I made a rudimentary sort of will in my twenties, because my parents were making theirs and I thought I might as well make mine. I updated it a year or two ago.
Making and/or updating a will is always going to be a thought-provoking experience. When you're middle-aged without a spouse or children, like I am, it REALLY makes you dig down deep, because you have to think hard about who's going to get the things that are most important to you. I have a sister, godchildren, and cousins, so that means my things won't all just be let loose in the world, but I still had to consider who gets what.
I found myself itemizing and dividing up jewelry very carefully (and then hoping my executors follow through and don't just get overwhelmed and give up!). Now that I've done that, I do sometimes find myself thinking of this or that item as something I share with the future recipient, not just something that's all mine. And I also find myself less inclined to buy frivolous stuff, because I'll only have a few decades with it and then it'll be someone else's. That doesn't come without regret, because let's face it, buying frivolous stuff can be a lot of fun! :-) But I find myself getting much more practical.
One more related thought: Recently I was discussing family photos with a close friend who's also single and childless. This can be a really tough subject. We grew up with those photos, and some of them are among our most precious possessions, but we have no children to pass them on to. (And even if we did, our children wouldn't know many of the people in them. We could tell them who all the people were, but it wouldn't be quite the same.) We can and probably will give them to cousins, but they already have all the ones from their parents and will probably feel overloaded. But it dawned on me as we were talking that, if many of my family photos end up in antique stores to be sold to strangers, I don't think I'd mind all that much! They might capture the attention and the imagination of someone else who'd enjoy looking at them and speculating about them, and that's not such a terrible way to end up.
"The biggest thing I do to encounter that confrontation day-to-day is asking friends who are religious 'Is there anything I can pray for for you?' before we end a conversation."
Honestly, I am not religious and I would love to be asked that question. I remember a time when I was talking on the phone with a religious friend about a pretty serious situation and her response was "I will drop everything and go pray for [them] right now." It was such a beautiful and tender expression of caring.
when you have minor children and you write a will - who do you leave your children to? that's the only part of the will that matters. that's a really difficult decision. maybe easier for those who have siblings they could trust with their children or who have young grandparents. my prayer was only that i would live long enough to raise my children. that prayer was lovingly answered. the rest is insignificant.