Thanks for this question, Leah. I come from a family that gave a number of daughters to the convent, mostly the Sisters of St. Joseph of Brentwood, Long Island.
My Grandmother was asked many times how she could allow her loveliest daughter, my Aunt Gene, to join the convent. She would always reply: "You wouldn't give a wilted rose to the Lord, would you?" (That remark took a bit of processing for my Mom, and two other Aunts, I imagine.)
Aunt Gene was the first woman I knew of who earned a Ph.D. And it was in Chinese history! I recall the party at the St. Angela Hall convent when she received the degree. I also learned from my Dad's Aunt, our "Aunt Bob" (baptized Rosamund & nicknamed Bob as a girl) who was the Mother Superior there at that time, that women can lead organizations.
It was not much of a leap after that realization to appreciate the leadership shown by my Mom's cousin, a Sister of Charity, who served as a college President.
Then, seeing religious women leading hospitals and hospital groups, gave me a whole new standard of what women can do.
I grew up in a mix of social circles: the church circles showed me many examples of women who got married, had kids, were happy and fulfilled, and said this was the best way for a woman to live. The other circles (my mother's sphere, and later on most of my college professors) showed me many examples of women who had careers, might add a husband and kids on to that, were happy and fulfilled, and said this was the best way for a woman to live. But growing up we had a picture book --- Miss Rumphius. As a little girl she's told she must do one thing to make the world more beautiful. How? she wonders. She works for a while (as a librarian), travels the world for a while (and hurts her back, ending up with chronic pain), and eventually settles in a little house by the sea. She's middle-aged by now and still hasn't discovered what her one thing is, but one spring she gets the idea to plant lupines in all the local ditches ("Now they called her 'That Crazy Old Lady'."), and you can guess what happens. She's not a career woman really, her not getting married is never even mentioned, and yet there's absolutely zero indication that the absence of either of these things makes her unhappy or unfulfilled. By the end of the book her house is full of kids --- neighbour kids who've come to hear the stories the Lupine Lady has to tell.
Definitely my graduate advisor. She showed me how to live my life on my own terms within systems that pressure all comers, male and female, to live according to their rules. When I joined her lab she had just achieved tenure and her lab consisted of one undergrad student, one early stage (1st or 2nd year) grad student and one late stage (final stages of dissertation) grad student. By contrast, another female professor in the same department had a lab group that was at least double, if not close to triple that head count. I know my advisor was under constant pressure to write more grants, take on more students, etc, etc, but she quietly resisted. This was how she was going to run her professional life and no one, from the department chair on down, was going to change her mind or her m.o. Now that I'm in a different but similarly competitive/demanding field (engineering consulting) and engaged in my own subversive practices (I only work 25 hours/week because I have 3 young children, among others) I even more deeply value her lessons on how to be (to borrow a term she would never have used) in a particular world, but not of that world, even more than I did 10 years ago.
I nominate Leah Libresco Sargeant. :) What a blessed day when I discovered her (your) writing and speaking. It was through a talk at one of the American Solidarity Party meetings. After my introduction, I started seeking you out everywhere. I read and watch whatever I can find and recommend you all the time to others. I refer to you as the smartest and best-spoken modern Catholic theologian I know of. I haven't been this excited about someone's evangelizing since I discovered Peter Kreeft over ten years ago. Thank you for showing us intelligence, kindness, married life, parenthood, and professionalism all rolled into one extraordinary woman.
Dorothy Day. She's not a Saint in the Catholic church (yet). Her life, her commitment to a life of radical service and economic justice, and her reckoning with all that was good and bad about leftist politics of the 20th century - it still blows my mind. What heartens me most of all though was her abiding belief in and love for community.
I also really admire and enjoy Elizabeth Bruenig as a current, living model of Catholic intellectual participation in the public sphere, while also navigating young motherhood. She reminds me that it's possible to really put your writing out there, to put your self out there (in the NYT!), and to even thrive doing it. There's a bravery and an assertiveness there that I deeply appreciate.
I struggled sometimes while growing up because I didn't feel like I fit in very well with other people's ideas of what it meant to be a woman. For a while, in fact, I mostly tried to avoid thinking of myself as a woman and really didn't want to talk about gender at all. Eventually I realized that was a very messed up way of looking at things, with not a little internalized misogyny involved. If I didn't feel like I fit in much with most of the older women I knew, it might just be because I was a little unusual myself and might need to look farther for role models, or at least to look at the models around me differently. So, the results of some of that looking:
- I owe my mother and maternal grandmother a lot. Both are very stubborn people with extremely strong morals whose beliefs cannot be swayed by popular trends. They showed me that conviction is important, but that it can and should be mixed with kindness.
- My best friend has been a continual reminder that I don't need to choose between being a deep thinker and being comfortable doing, as an acquaintance once termed the crocheting hobby my friend and I share, "wifey things." She also reminds me that a love of learning should not turn anyone into a snob, and I find it encouraging that she is finding ways to balance intellectual participation with raising her young family. I used to think that women's lives basically ended when they got married, based on what I saw around me. Looking at my friend and her husband, I know that shouldn't be the case.
- My mom's former Sunday School teacher has a stall at a farmer's market I've gone to for the past few years, and I've found it tremendously encouraging to get to know her a little. She's extremely perceptive, is an independent thinker, knows a lot about history and theology, and communicates very directly. While she's much more outgoing than I am, I find it encouraging to watch her, because for the first time I feel like I can maybe imagine what I would be like as an older person. Much as I admire my mom and grandmother, my personality is very different from theirs, so it's really helpful to see an older woman whose personality is at least a little more like mine. Plus, it's nice to see that she can be the sort of person she is while remaining down-to-earth--it's not often I meet a farmer who can combine scientific and practical knowledge so well.
- While she's not a real person, I love the grandmother in Roald Dahl's book "The Witches." Talk about a tough lady; literally nothing startles her. She's absolutely not the grandmother stereotype at all, but loving and protective in all the best ways. If I can be that sort of old lady, I'll have done something right!
I’ve been blessed to have come from a family of women who have demonstrated very different ways of being a woman to me. My great-grandmother raised her three kids as a single mother after her husband died, my grandmother worked full-time while raising her kids, my great-aunt cares for her permanently ill husband, and my other grandmother raised her kids while a teacher and a pastor’s wife. There are also a few women a generation older than me who have very intentionally invested in me and built relationships with me, and they have always encouraged me to “think bigger” and “live louder” when I feel stifled or stuck.
But I’ve also been influenced by the women of the Church from past centuries. When I was in late elementary school I became very interested in some of the heroines of the faith. I’m Protestant and grew up in a Protestant family and church, so I was interested in women like Susanna Wesley and Amy Carmichael, but I also developed a fascination with female Catholic saints, like Catherine of Siena and Teresa of Avila. Teresa of Avila in particular is special to me–I read her autobiography in junior high and I think I’ve been subtly influenced ever since by the way God used her passionate emotions and fierce love to do good work, instead of requiring her to be quiet and timid before actually doing anything. I am naturally loud and fierce, so she has continued to be a huge encouragement to me as I navigate a world that often values passivity veiled as politeness and asks us to discard love in order to “be reasonable.”
The author Sister Elizabeth Johnson, who wrote She Who Is, convinced me that God is not in fact a misogynist, in spite of allowing all religions to be hijacked by men. Before her, I had doubted whether its was possible to love Christ without being a submissive sucker.
My friend Becky Keller. (I'm sorry if none of you have ever heard of her; she just... she should be famous!) As teenagers slowly trickle in to a youth group event, whenever one of the young women would arrive, Becky would welcome her like she's proclaiming a grand announcement. (same for Bible study ladies recently, young and old) She manages to draw others into paying attention to whoever has just arrived. Becky showers affection on people, and also takes conversations in spiritual directions readily. She is full of warmth. And, oh, her laughter! Her smiles and her laughter are beautiful and contagious. She is both one of the godliest and one of the most unapologetically full-of-fun people I know!
My colleague and dear friend, mentor and confidant, Ana, as well as many of my colleagues, have shown me the art of womanhood. Ana has reached out to me with a mother's love and provided guidance and support when I was a young, single woman navigating my first real job, my new faith, and a rocky dating life. She provided wisdom but also practical help. To name one occasion, she had me for dinner when her younger brother was in town just to see if we might hit it off. She doesn't just talk, she walks - she is always walking. (Literally, she got me into Fitbit; but you know what I mean.) She really practices the tough situations we often debate about as Catholics, approaching the religious who's preaching against Church teaching from the pulpit in a way that causes him to reflect on his own soul; leaning in to neighbors living an entirely different lifestyle and belief system - many today, most today, would avoid either person or family in such opposition. But Ana isn't afraid. She's confident, but in a contented sort-of way. I think that's the part of her womanhood that most stands out to me. And she really lets her man and her children shine by showing them respect. A contented mother doesn't make it all about herself. I really aspire to be more like her.
Thanks for this question, Leah. I come from a family that gave a number of daughters to the convent, mostly the Sisters of St. Joseph of Brentwood, Long Island.
My Grandmother was asked many times how she could allow her loveliest daughter, my Aunt Gene, to join the convent. She would always reply: "You wouldn't give a wilted rose to the Lord, would you?" (That remark took a bit of processing for my Mom, and two other Aunts, I imagine.)
Aunt Gene was the first woman I knew of who earned a Ph.D. And it was in Chinese history! I recall the party at the St. Angela Hall convent when she received the degree. I also learned from my Dad's Aunt, our "Aunt Bob" (baptized Rosamund & nicknamed Bob as a girl) who was the Mother Superior there at that time, that women can lead organizations.
It was not much of a leap after that realization to appreciate the leadership shown by my Mom's cousin, a Sister of Charity, who served as a college President.
Then, seeing religious women leading hospitals and hospital groups, gave me a whole new standard of what women can do.
I grew up in a mix of social circles: the church circles showed me many examples of women who got married, had kids, were happy and fulfilled, and said this was the best way for a woman to live. The other circles (my mother's sphere, and later on most of my college professors) showed me many examples of women who had careers, might add a husband and kids on to that, were happy and fulfilled, and said this was the best way for a woman to live. But growing up we had a picture book --- Miss Rumphius. As a little girl she's told she must do one thing to make the world more beautiful. How? she wonders. She works for a while (as a librarian), travels the world for a while (and hurts her back, ending up with chronic pain), and eventually settles in a little house by the sea. She's middle-aged by now and still hasn't discovered what her one thing is, but one spring she gets the idea to plant lupines in all the local ditches ("Now they called her 'That Crazy Old Lady'."), and you can guess what happens. She's not a career woman really, her not getting married is never even mentioned, and yet there's absolutely zero indication that the absence of either of these things makes her unhappy or unfulfilled. By the end of the book her house is full of kids --- neighbour kids who've come to hear the stories the Lupine Lady has to tell.
Definitely my graduate advisor. She showed me how to live my life on my own terms within systems that pressure all comers, male and female, to live according to their rules. When I joined her lab she had just achieved tenure and her lab consisted of one undergrad student, one early stage (1st or 2nd year) grad student and one late stage (final stages of dissertation) grad student. By contrast, another female professor in the same department had a lab group that was at least double, if not close to triple that head count. I know my advisor was under constant pressure to write more grants, take on more students, etc, etc, but she quietly resisted. This was how she was going to run her professional life and no one, from the department chair on down, was going to change her mind or her m.o. Now that I'm in a different but similarly competitive/demanding field (engineering consulting) and engaged in my own subversive practices (I only work 25 hours/week because I have 3 young children, among others) I even more deeply value her lessons on how to be (to borrow a term she would never have used) in a particular world, but not of that world, even more than I did 10 years ago.
I nominate Leah Libresco Sargeant. :) What a blessed day when I discovered her (your) writing and speaking. It was through a talk at one of the American Solidarity Party meetings. After my introduction, I started seeking you out everywhere. I read and watch whatever I can find and recommend you all the time to others. I refer to you as the smartest and best-spoken modern Catholic theologian I know of. I haven't been this excited about someone's evangelizing since I discovered Peter Kreeft over ten years ago. Thank you for showing us intelligence, kindness, married life, parenthood, and professionalism all rolled into one extraordinary woman.
Dorothy Day. She's not a Saint in the Catholic church (yet). Her life, her commitment to a life of radical service and economic justice, and her reckoning with all that was good and bad about leftist politics of the 20th century - it still blows my mind. What heartens me most of all though was her abiding belief in and love for community.
I also really admire and enjoy Elizabeth Bruenig as a current, living model of Catholic intellectual participation in the public sphere, while also navigating young motherhood. She reminds me that it's possible to really put your writing out there, to put your self out there (in the NYT!), and to even thrive doing it. There's a bravery and an assertiveness there that I deeply appreciate.
I struggled sometimes while growing up because I didn't feel like I fit in very well with other people's ideas of what it meant to be a woman. For a while, in fact, I mostly tried to avoid thinking of myself as a woman and really didn't want to talk about gender at all. Eventually I realized that was a very messed up way of looking at things, with not a little internalized misogyny involved. If I didn't feel like I fit in much with most of the older women I knew, it might just be because I was a little unusual myself and might need to look farther for role models, or at least to look at the models around me differently. So, the results of some of that looking:
- I owe my mother and maternal grandmother a lot. Both are very stubborn people with extremely strong morals whose beliefs cannot be swayed by popular trends. They showed me that conviction is important, but that it can and should be mixed with kindness.
- My best friend has been a continual reminder that I don't need to choose between being a deep thinker and being comfortable doing, as an acquaintance once termed the crocheting hobby my friend and I share, "wifey things." She also reminds me that a love of learning should not turn anyone into a snob, and I find it encouraging that she is finding ways to balance intellectual participation with raising her young family. I used to think that women's lives basically ended when they got married, based on what I saw around me. Looking at my friend and her husband, I know that shouldn't be the case.
- My mom's former Sunday School teacher has a stall at a farmer's market I've gone to for the past few years, and I've found it tremendously encouraging to get to know her a little. She's extremely perceptive, is an independent thinker, knows a lot about history and theology, and communicates very directly. While she's much more outgoing than I am, I find it encouraging to watch her, because for the first time I feel like I can maybe imagine what I would be like as an older person. Much as I admire my mom and grandmother, my personality is very different from theirs, so it's really helpful to see an older woman whose personality is at least a little more like mine. Plus, it's nice to see that she can be the sort of person she is while remaining down-to-earth--it's not often I meet a farmer who can combine scientific and practical knowledge so well.
- While she's not a real person, I love the grandmother in Roald Dahl's book "The Witches." Talk about a tough lady; literally nothing startles her. She's absolutely not the grandmother stereotype at all, but loving and protective in all the best ways. If I can be that sort of old lady, I'll have done something right!
I’ve been blessed to have come from a family of women who have demonstrated very different ways of being a woman to me. My great-grandmother raised her three kids as a single mother after her husband died, my grandmother worked full-time while raising her kids, my great-aunt cares for her permanently ill husband, and my other grandmother raised her kids while a teacher and a pastor’s wife. There are also a few women a generation older than me who have very intentionally invested in me and built relationships with me, and they have always encouraged me to “think bigger” and “live louder” when I feel stifled or stuck.
But I’ve also been influenced by the women of the Church from past centuries. When I was in late elementary school I became very interested in some of the heroines of the faith. I’m Protestant and grew up in a Protestant family and church, so I was interested in women like Susanna Wesley and Amy Carmichael, but I also developed a fascination with female Catholic saints, like Catherine of Siena and Teresa of Avila. Teresa of Avila in particular is special to me–I read her autobiography in junior high and I think I’ve been subtly influenced ever since by the way God used her passionate emotions and fierce love to do good work, instead of requiring her to be quiet and timid before actually doing anything. I am naturally loud and fierce, so she has continued to be a huge encouragement to me as I navigate a world that often values passivity veiled as politeness and asks us to discard love in order to “be reasonable.”
The author Sister Elizabeth Johnson, who wrote She Who Is, convinced me that God is not in fact a misogynist, in spite of allowing all religions to be hijacked by men. Before her, I had doubted whether its was possible to love Christ without being a submissive sucker.
My friend Becky Keller. (I'm sorry if none of you have ever heard of her; she just... she should be famous!) As teenagers slowly trickle in to a youth group event, whenever one of the young women would arrive, Becky would welcome her like she's proclaiming a grand announcement. (same for Bible study ladies recently, young and old) She manages to draw others into paying attention to whoever has just arrived. Becky showers affection on people, and also takes conversations in spiritual directions readily. She is full of warmth. And, oh, her laughter! Her smiles and her laughter are beautiful and contagious. She is both one of the godliest and one of the most unapologetically full-of-fun people I know!
My colleague and dear friend, mentor and confidant, Ana, as well as many of my colleagues, have shown me the art of womanhood. Ana has reached out to me with a mother's love and provided guidance and support when I was a young, single woman navigating my first real job, my new faith, and a rocky dating life. She provided wisdom but also practical help. To name one occasion, she had me for dinner when her younger brother was in town just to see if we might hit it off. She doesn't just talk, she walks - she is always walking. (Literally, she got me into Fitbit; but you know what I mean.) She really practices the tough situations we often debate about as Catholics, approaching the religious who's preaching against Church teaching from the pulpit in a way that causes him to reflect on his own soul; leaning in to neighbors living an entirely different lifestyle and belief system - many today, most today, would avoid either person or family in such opposition. But Ana isn't afraid. She's confident, but in a contented sort-of way. I think that's the part of her womanhood that most stands out to me. And she really lets her man and her children shine by showing them respect. A contented mother doesn't make it all about herself. I really aspire to be more like her.